Hello? Testing… (taps microphone, clears throat) Welcome to my brand new shiny website! I’ve been wanting a new home on the internet since I fell out of love with Twitter and decided to break up with it. I don’t miss the shouty politics, trolling and emotional drama, or the weird algorithms that seem to ensure those things are always at the top of my feed, but I do miss the connection with friends and readers, and having somewhere to share updates on books I’ve read, works in progress and random thoughts that can’t be captured in a photo and stuck on Instagram. So, I’m particularly excited about the journal page that I’m supposed to be able to upload myself.

Except I’m 11 minutes into the ‘Getting Started’ tutorial, and the rapid fire information imparted by the hipster guy in the nice cable-knit cardigan is starting to slide off the outside of my brain. I’ve gone back twice to revisit the first three sections of the video to work out at exactly which point between ‘basic overview’ and ‘more advanced forms’ I lost my way, but it’s like he’s speaking another language; one in which the only words I know are ‘hello’ and ‘please direct me to the railway station.’ The lengthy first blog post I had planned to upload is looking foolhardy now, and the artsy pictures I imagined with it laughably ambitious, so I’ll leave it here and get back to listening to the hipster chap.

(Might make another pot of tea first.)

(And also search for cable-knit cardigans on ebay.)

Please send biscuits.